


Broken Smiles

by natimesia



Category: Harry Styles - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-19
Updated: 2018-09-19
Packaged: 2019-07-14 06:43:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16035107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natimesia/pseuds/natimesia





	1. Chapter 1

It has been an hour since I lie down, but all I did was to roll around every other minute. Sleep seemed too far away tonight. No, tonight is an understatement. Sleep is too far for months now. It’s been a while since I had a very nice sleep. I couldn’t even explain why I could still move for the next day when all I do the night before was to think. Think about everything. Think about him.

            I have zero reasons to complain and such, because it was all my doing. It was my decision. It was my choice.

But never, ever, was my intention to push him away.

And I regret everything. I really do.

If I could just turn back time . . .

Then what?

I shook my head and finally sit upright. I shouldn’t think like that, because it will just get my hopes up, which is bad knowing the fact that time won’t turn back. And even if it will, which will never be anyway, I highly think things will never be the same. I mean, it was once in a lifetime moment. I should’ve seized the day.

But I didn’t. I didn’t seize the day.

And now I feel miserable than ever.

I silently groaned and turned my head backwards to just to see that it was already 12:48 AM and I haven’t even feel sleepy yet, earning a louder groan.

Time seemed to slow down these past few days. A day was like a year, and it was literally driving me crazy, because every passing minute, I think about the mistake I made, and hundreds of what ifs come next.

What if I hadn’t been such a coward? What if I just chose to be happy? What if all of this didn’t happen? What if I didn’t push him away?

What if . . . what if . . . what if . . .

And this is the biggest what if of all; the one that originally makes me sleepless: What if I realized that I love him before I let him go?

That would’ve changed things, right? I could’ve been happy at the moment. I shouldn’t be sulking every single day. I shouldn’t be regretting anything now.

I should have been in his arms right now, and we’re both finally happy – I’m finally happy.

How cruel life is. It was too late for me to realize what a huge mistake I made. I hurt the person who loved me in my worst. I pushed him and turned my back at him when we both needed each other. We found happiness in each other’s arms, and yet there I was, idiot as ever, thinking that it’ll all just end soon because our situation was complicated; urging me to do the least thing I wanted to do: push him away from me by leaving him.

This sounds crazy knowing that we weren’t even together when I left. All I know is that he loves me, and the feeling is mutual.

Or was . . . The feeling was mutual.

God, I don’t even know why I’m still thinking about these after all this time. I don’t know why I’m still thinking about him. I don’t even know where the guy is, though I’m pretty sure it’ll be just easy for me to locate where he is at the moment even without contacts. Just one click from Google and voila, I could already go to him.

But I didn’t. I can’t. I didn’t because I can’t.

Of course. I’ve been thinking about that already. That idea entered my mind a hundred times, and believe me, I tried really hard to consider it. But then, thinking about it, imagining what it would be like when we’re already face to face after everything that has happened made me have some second thoughts. What could I possibly say?

“I love you. I regret what happened. Please take me back?”

I rolled my eyes at the statement. What a desperate thing to say, but then, I realize, it really does sum up what I want to tell him. The real question is how will he react?

Being likely optimistic, I imagine him opening his arms wide as I ran at him after I gave my speech. He forgave me, took me back, and then we lived happily ever after.

But . . . .

I’m not optimistic. In fact I’m the complete opposite, so at the end of the day, after a mind-battle session, I think about his reaction would turn out like this:

After I gave my long, sincere speech, he would just stare at me in the most awkward way for a few seconds and would just turn around and walk away, leaving me miserable.

No, turning around and walking away would be an understatement. After what I had done to him? Probably he would shout at me until my ears bleed or push me into a cliff if the setting would be at the edge of a long, steep mountain cliff.

I hope not.

The ringing of my phone took me away from my thoughts. Who could possibly be awake still at this time of the day? Feeling too lazy to pick up, I let it be. Surely it will stop eventually.

But it didn’t.

As a matter of fact, it just continued vibrating.

Rolling my eyes, I leaned back, took the tiny gadget from the nightstand and answered it, not bothering to expose my eyes from the cruel lights.

Who in the world-

“Hey Andy. Can we talk?”

What the fuck.

I know that voice. Of course I know. How could I forget?

It belonged to the person that has been invading my mind for the past few months.

It belonged to Harry Styles himself.


	2. Chapter 2

I just got off the phone with him, and my mind couldn’t process what just happened for the last two minutes. It probably is the weirdest conversation I had thru phone with anyone, and I can’t believe it’s with him. It was just so sudden and weird and it came out like this:

            “Hey Andy. Can we talk?”

            It took me few seconds to process everything and another batch of seconds to make an intelligent sentence without making myself sound like an idiot.

            “Uh, it’s late?”

            Stupid. It’s late? Ugh.

            “Yeah, I know. I just-”

            “Where did you get my number?” I couldn’t help asking.

            It took him a few seconds to answer. “Uh, yeah, doesn’t matter,” he mumbled and then cleared his throat, “Anyway, listen, let’s meet up tomorrow at-”

            “Why?” My curiosity spoke up.

            “The details should be spilled when we meet. So, 9 o’clock tomorrow at Sweet Nothings. Bye.”

            And he ended the call.

            So now, I sat here on my bed, left hanging.

            I groaned in frustration. Why couldn’t he just tell me? What possible things couldn’t he say over the phone? This is so maddening.

            Thinking about intelligent probabilities, I started thinking for reasons. Then again, another batch of maybes entered my mind.

            Maybe he wanted to clarify things? Yeah, well that happened months ago, and clearly it’s too late to clarify things.

            Maybe he missed me? Bullshit. After what I did to him? More like he wanted revenge.

            Maybe he forgot some of his things at my home and he wanted to take it back? Probably.

            Maybe . . . maybe . . . maybe . . .

            After half an hour of thinking, I checked the time again: 1:45 AM.

            And I don’t even feel any kind of drowsiness.

            Great. I guess this is another sleepless night to conquer.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

I found that all my guesses are wrong. I could say I expected too much, because it turns out that the conversation has nothing to do with what happened between us.

            I got to the café half an hour of the said time, but I couldn’t help it. I could say I was a bit excited to see him and at the same time nervous. No, a bit excited and nervous would be an understatement. It was more like I was ecstatic and at the same time already freaking out. Good thing I could control my emotions well. Very well, to be honest.

            I sat at the back corner of the café after ordering my latte. Since it was still early, there were just few people in the shop. There were few customers who came in to order then took it out.

            Harry knew how to pick a place, considering his situation. It has been my first time to go here. The café was just small, and even if it’s located in the heart of the city, it wasn’t noticeable much. I didn’t even know there’s a café called Sweet Nothings until he told me. I even asked for directions for this and I wouldn’t be able to notice that it was here if I didn’t ask.

            Though not that well-known, the ambiance of the café was extremely pleasant. By entering, I could already smell the sweet aroma of the coffees and teas. There were few wooden tables with small, dark brown cushions for chairs. The café was filled with cheap paintings and the columns and dividers were made of real bricks.

            I definitely would like to go here often, I thought. It seemed so far away from everything else, and I really like that. When inside, I couldn’t hear the noise from the outside. The shop was filled with acoustic music playing, making me slightly calm.

            Slightly.

            Truth to be told, I’m still spazzing out. So now here I was, sitting uncomfortably on one of the sturdy cushions, clutching my purse too tight. I started biting my lip and drumming my fingers against the wooden table because that’s what I do when I’m extremely nervous.

            “Are you doing that on purpose?”

            I nearly jumped out from my seat when I heard the voice from behind. I felt my heart beating so fast that it could actually get out of my chest any minute. I turned around just when Harry moved and sat opposite me.

            “E-excuse me?” I stuttered.

            “Were you doing that on purpose?” he said, not looking at me.

            “Doing what?” I said, slightly annoyed.

            “You know how that turns me on,” he said, too bluntly. My jaw dropped slightly.

            “Uh, sorry?” I said, trying to get his gaze on me, but he seemed not letting it fall on me. Obviously, his eyes roaming around the café is done on purpose.

            He didn’t speak, making an awkward silence. Just then, mixed emotions started flooding back to me. This was it. After all these months, after everything that has happened, we’re here, face-to-face.

            I cleared my throat, wishing he could feel the awkward tension too, but as what it looks like, he seemed not caring. He has no expression on his face.

            Already wanting to break the ice building up, I tried starting a conversation. “So, uh, how did you-”

            “Listen, I came here to not have some chitchats, because clearly I still have lots to do,” he said, which has taken me aback. I was a bit surprised on how rude he seemed to be, but he didn’t show any reactions at all.

Finally, after what seemed like years, he looked at me. Seemingly it took him lots of guts to do it, but he eventually did. His stare was so intense I feel like melting.

“I’m here to offer you a job.”

            A job? What?

 

 

“Excuse me?” He was really surprising me by the words coming out of his mouth.

            “I am offering you a job,” he repeated but slowly. I refrained myself from rolling my eyes. Gosh, why does this have to be so hard?

“A job? Why?” I said. Clearly, he doesn’t want anything to do with me judging from his actions toward me, so why was he offering me a job?

“The management was interested of you, I clearly don’t even know how they even knew you, but they were hiring you. We’re doing a short movie and some of the people there were suggesting you to be a part of it. So are you interested?”

It took me few minutes to process what he just said. Modest management has heard from me? How could that be? I didn’t even know anyone working there.

Harry then sighed loudly, as if already annoyed on how I was taking this. He then stood up, took something at the back of his pocket which I found out was his wallet, picked something inside and then threw it at the table.

“Give them a ring if you made up your mind. I got to go,” he said and then started walking towards the door.

“Harry,” I called. He stopped from his pace, bowed his head down a little and then turned to look at me, regaining his aggressive composure.

“What?” he said.

“Why were you the one telling me this?” I asked.

It took him few seconds to answer. It seemed his mind was battling on whatever his response will be.

“I don’t need to answer all of your questions, do I?”

He turns away, and with that, he left.

 

 

The card was already crumpled in my hands as I repeatedly clutch it. I have been lying in my bed for the last hour, thinking about what just happened a while ago. It seemed really hard to process, but I could understand it now more than a while ago.

            Harry, or Modest management, as what he has said, was offering me a job, and it wasn’t even delivered specifically by the nonchalant boy. He just said I was being asked to be a part of it. It was crazy, truly. They don’t even know me, or so that’s what I thought. I guess I was wrong. Someone from them knew me and thought I have the potential to be a part of God-knows-what.

            Harry doesn’t want me to be there, that’s what I am sure of. He clearly doesn’t want to, by the way he treated me a while ago, which by the way annoyed the hell out of me even though I know I don’t have the right to feel that way because I know I deserve it, but still. He doesn’t need to be that rude.

            I don’t want to be working with Harry, I’ve decided. It’s completely absurd. What happened a while ago was beyond awkward, and it doesn’t even took an hour for that; what’ll be if we’ll be in the same place, same room, same venue at the same time for what could be weeks? I’ll be damned.

            But then, a part of me wanted to consider the offer. I was being hired, which was completely new. Usually, I was the one asking for a job, but this one is quite different. I didn’t know what it is, I didn’t know what I would do, and I didn’t know who I’ll work with. There’s one that I know, and it’s Harry, and he doesn’t want me to work with him - that is crystal clear.

            I sighed loudly and took the now too crumpled paper out of my grip and look at it again. Should I call or not? If I will, what will I say? That I accepted the job, whatever it might be? How if I’ll just make fool of myself? How if this was a test? What if Harry’s just playing with me?

            There’s only one way to get my answers.

            To clarify things with Harry.

 

It took five rings before he answer the phone.

            “What is it?” was his greetings.

            I ignored the annoyance from his voice. “Hello to you too, Harry. I just want to clarify things, since earlier you seemed not comfortable talking to me face to face,” I said with a too much enthusiasm, which I think earned me a roll of eyes from him. Maybe he’s getting more annoyed. Heh. Serves him right for being rude a while ago.

            “If you have questions, call the number on the ca-”

            “Oh, no. The thing is, I wanna hear it from you, since you’re the one who asked for a meet up and offered me this nameless job.” Before he could say anything, I continued, “So do you mind filling me in with more details about this?”

            I could hear a loud sigh at the end of the line. I waited impatiently for him to say something, which lapses for a few minutes.

            “I didn’t know the full details, but I’ve heard you’ll be like an assistant director or something, I dunno. The director himself asked the management to contact you-”

            “So the management was supposed to contact me,” I cut him off.

            “Yeah, and they . . . they asked me to . . . to contact you,” he stuttered. I prevented myself from laughing. He is such a horrid liar.

            “Okay. You said it,” I said, smiling like an idiot.

            “Any questions? I’m busy at the moment,” he said, changing the topic.

            “There’s no more, Harry. Thanks for the enlightenment. See you at work. Goodbye,” I said. I was about to end it when he spoke.

            “Wait,” he said.

            “Yes, Harry? Need anything?”

            “You . . . you’re going to accept the job?”

            “Why, of course. It’s an opportunity. Why let it pass when it’s already in front of you, right?”

            “Y-yeah, I guess so. Bye.”

            And then the call ended. I sighed and smiled to myself before dialling the number written on the card.


	4. Chapter 4

“So who am I going to work with again?”

            “Oh, you’ll meet the prod staff soon,” Claire giggled. I like Claire. She’s very . . . what’s the term? Yeah, she has a very chipper attitude. She reminds me of a friend from way back. She always giggles, and she seems really friendly. I already thought I made a friend out of her even if it’s the first time we met.

            “But of course, you know we’re going to work with One Direction too, right? Of course you do,” she said as she finished looking at her phone. She then fastened her pace and I got to leap just to catch up with her.

            By then, we’re already entering a long hallway. See, it’s the day that I have to meet up with the director of the said project, so now we’re on our way to the director’s office.

            “Uh, yeah, I do,” I said and nodded.

            “They seemed pretty cool lads. I’ve met them once. Have you already?” she asked.

“Uh, no,” I lied, well not really. I’ve met only Harry, but I remember him talking about them to me once.

“Well I have. Those guys are really adorable, you know? No wonder they have this massive fan base. I’ve got the chance to have some chitchat with them too. Harry really has those deep, cute dimples and Louis is really funny, like whenever he pulls a joke, everybody in the room will crack up and Liam is really handsome and Zayn is just so so so charming and . . .”

            This time, Claire burst into fits of giggles. “I’ve only told a couple of friends, and since you’re my friend already, I might as well share you a secret that involves the Irish lad from the group,” Claire paused and then squeaked. “Niall is just so extremely hot. God knows how I drove the director crazy just to get me to be the assistant make-up artist of the Lou Teasdale,” Claire exclaimed.

            “So you know the director?” I asked.

            “Yeah, we’re actually good friends. And I think he knows you too? He said you were friends from way back?”

            My eyebrow shot up. Friends from way back? So I must really know the director, because in my twenty years of living, I could count all the friends I made with my fingers and toes.

            “Uh . . . what’s her name again?” I asked. Claire looked at me like I was joking.

            “Her? You are so funny, Andy,” Claire said and laughed. She halted. By then, we already reached a big white door.

            “What are you laughing at?” I said and chuckled.

            “Listen, as much as I would like to stay, I need to go. I’m gonna meet the Lou Teasdale! Can you believe it! This is going to be so epic,” she said giddily. “So, I am going to leave you now. Here’s his office,” she looked at me knowingly, “Just knock on the door. See you later. Toodles!”

            She then scampered off, her heels clunking off the ceramic tiles.

            I sighed and faced the door. I brought my hands up and then knocked. It took few seconds before someone shouted: “Come in.”

            Well, this is now or never.

 

“You have got to be kidding me.”

            “I’m not, actually. Hello Arella,” Sam said and flashed me a smile. He spread out his arms wide. I gaped and ran towards my childhood friend, returning the hug.

            “Oh my God, Sammy!” I exclaimed when we pulled off. I stared at him, my mouth still hanging. “I didn’t . . . what . . . how . . .”

            “Okay, babe, calm down. Breathe,” Sam said and chuckled. “Let’s get inside my private office and we’ll talk there, shall we?”

 

“So you’re hiring me to be your assistant director? Really Sammy? Wow,” I exclaimed.

            “Not really hiring. You make it sound as if we aren’t friends. I’m asking you, okay? And I am really happy that you accepted the offer.”

            “I wouldn’t have second thoughts if I knew it’ll be you whom I’ll work with!” I exclaimed.

            “You had second thoughts?” he asked, and I wish I didn’t say what I just said.

            “Uh . . . well, for starters, it’s pretty big, you know? It’s Modest management asking for me, and it was strange because I hadn’t known anyone from there.”

            “Yeah, well I am a good friend of the lads, and they were thinking of making this short movie for a while now, so they chose me to direct. We made a proposal about it with their management, and we made a deal, only when I got to choose who my assistant it, and I insisted you.”

            “Wow,” was all I said.

            “Yeah, well I think you deserve it.”

            “Thank you, Sammy,” I said whole-heartedly.

            “Anyway, so you called me . . . why?” I asked slowly.

            “Well, I called you here not just to finally have a talk with you again, but since you’re already my assistant, I need some help about the project. We haven’t really talked about the whole thing yet, but we already conceptualize some things. I just need some of your expertise about this matter. I am going to leave you the work of going through some ideas. I already have some, and I need you to finish it.”

            “Ideas, huh? Well, fill me in with more details about this whole thing,” I said, feeling already excited.

            I already got the feeling this will go well – or so I thought.

 


	5. Chapter 5

“So what do you think guys?”

“Very nice idea,” Zayn commented, which made my heart jump.

“I think it’s great, Andy,” Louis added and offered me a thumbs up.

            “The concept really matches the theme of the movie,” Liam added. “I like it. Nice work, Andy.”

            I’ve been standing in the private conference room for nearly an hour, explaining the whole idea I have been formulating for the past week since Sam gave me the instruction in front of the boys of One Direction. It’s been all I was thinking about, and I was really glad that my hard work had paid off.

            “Don’t you think it’s a bit unrealistic? I mean, doing double characters and all? It’ll have lots of editing,” Harry commented. I looked at him but immediately broke the gaze. The gazes he’s been giving me is really different, like he was looking right through my soul, and it’s making me quite uncomfortable.

            This is business. Don’t get too personal, I reminded myself.

            I looked at him and smiled. “You seemed doubting the magical works of our imaging technicians, Harry,” I stated. He raised one eyebrow and I did too. I sighed. “Well,” I said and clasped my hands, “I think they’ll do well on this.”

            “And we’ve already talked about this to all the staffs, and they’re good with it. Actually you’re the last being informed, given that I know you’ll do great about anything that’s been assigned to you, right lads?” Sam added, and then looked at me. I nodded and smiled at him.

            “Of course, Sam,” Niall said and nodded at Sam. He then turned to me and smiled. “It’s great, Andy. I’m looking forward on doing that. Uh, when do we start filming again?”

            “Uh, next week,” I answered. “Monday, right, Sammy?”

            “Yes,” he said and then stood. “So, I call the meeting off since I think you lads still have another interview to attend to?”

            Answering Sam’s question, the boys simultaneously stood too. “Yeah,” Liam said and turned to me while Zayn, Niall and Harry talked to Sam.

“Really nice work, Andy. No wonder why Sam picked you to be his assistant,” Liam said.

            “Thanks Li,” I said before I realized what I just said. “Liam,” I added promptly.

            Liam chuckled. “’Tis alright to call me that,” he said.

            “And you can call me Lou,” Louis interfered. “I am looking forward on working with you, Arella,” he said and then winked. My eyes widened.

            “How- how did you know-”

            “Oh Sam calls you Arella. That’s your name right?” he asked.

            “Yeah. I prefer Andy though,” I mumbled.

            “How come-”

            “My initials,” I explained, cutting Liam off.

            “Very nice,” Louis said and offered a high five. I didn’t leave him hanging and accepted it.

            “Sam has already talked about you to us, even before we had this project,” Liam said. I raised one eyebrow.

            “He did?”

            “Yep. Told us he’s a good friend of yours, and that you’re quite charming.”

            “And he’s not wrong about that,” Louis added, and at that time I swear I looked like a tomato.

            Louis then laughed, making me blush more.

            “You just turned as red as apple. Fascinating,” Louis said, laughing louder. “I think I’m gonna call you that from now on. Apple.”

            “Lou, don’t tease,” Liam reprimanded, though he himself looked like he was just stifling his own laughter.

            “Liam, Lou, let’s go,” Harry said sternly. I pursed my lips and tried to occupy myself again by arranging my files on the table.

            “See you soon, Andy,” Niall said from across the room.

“It’s Apple!” Louis shouted, gaining a confused look from Niall.

“See you soon, boys,” I said and waved my hands at them before exiting. I could feel someone looking at me and so I looked up just to find intense green eyes staring at me.

            Just right after I met those peculiar orbs, he immediately dropped the gaze and looked at Sam.

            “See you soon, Sam.”

            And then he left.

            I shook my head and sighed as I continue to arrange my things on the table.

            “Congratulations, Andy,” Sam said as he approached me.

            “Congratulations to you, too, Sam.”

            “Yeah, I could already feel the success of this project,” he said.

            I smiled at him. “You bet.”


	6. Chapter 6

I clutched my stomach as I feel the pain coming from continuous laughing. I had been enjoying the company of the boys of One Direction a week before we started shooting. We were inside Sweet Nothings. I have learned that the owner of the coffee shop named Dave is a good friend of the lads, so he didn’t have second thoughts to close the shop for us to have some bonding without any of the fans’ interference.

            Originally, we have other companies, but others seemed to have other appointments which leave the six of us. Louis, Niall, Zayn and I shared one round couch and Harry and Liam took two small ones.

            It’s been a good thirty minutes since they started telling me their funny experiences together as a band and even as an individual.

I already knew that Liam once wore a Batman costume when a fire alarm broke off during their stay on the Judges’ House. I already knew that Zayn has been claiming himself as the ‘Bradford Bad Boy’ (but strongly denies). I already knew that Niall loves ornaments, as weird as that sounds. I already knew all that, thanks to Louis.

“Look who’s talking,” Niall exclaimed, already red from laughing, “At least my mum doesn’t give pet names for me when I was a kid and is still used up to now!” he said, and Louis’ face turned crimson red.

“Pet name?” I said and looked at Louis in amusement.

“Boobear,” Harry spoke for what seemed like the first time. He was smirking, his eyes trained on Louis.

“Oh shut up, Harold. At least I hadn’t worn a Scooby Doo costume when I was sixteen!”

The room erupted with laughter.

“I still have those pictures!” Liam exclaimed.

Harry’s face was flushing. “I was fourteen back then, and it was Halloween!”

“How creative, Harold. Truly magnificent,” Louis taunted and Harry glared at him.

“My grandma likes it,” Harry mumbled and pouted. I restrained myself from blurting how cute he is. Truly, he looks like a child being deprived of candies.

Luckily, I stopped myself even before things got awkward.

“How about you, Andy? Anything you wanna share?” Zayn asked.

I smiled and shook my head.

“Oh come on!” Niall exclaimed.

“There’s none to share,” I said.

“Impossible!” Louis exclaimed. “Everybody has at least one funny memory from their childhood,” he said; earning nods from the other lads, except of course Harry, who seemed pretty busy with his phone.

“I highly think my childhood is anything but funny,” I stated, which is actually true, to be honest.

“Lie,” Zayn said.

“True!” I said and chuckled.

“Well at least share some part of it,” Liam said.

“You’ll get bored,” I stated.

“Try us,” Louis challenged.

I sighed. These boys really are stubborn. They seemed won’t stop until I give something.

“Well, for starters, I grew up with my mum and nana. I could say my life was pretty normal at those times, even if I never really knew who my father was. My mum kept him from me, and at that I wasn’t sure why. My mum and dad . . . I’ve never saw them together. I never really met my father personally until I was fourteen.” I paused. “At my mum’s funeral.”

I paused again and see that the four boys’ reactions were masking one reaction: pity. I noticed I got Harry’s attention already as I see he wasn’t already paying much attention to his phone.

“Hey, please don’t look at me like that. That’s another reason why I don’t want anybody to know this.”

“Sorry,” Liam mumbled, “Continue.”

I cleared my throat and proceeded, “Since then I lived with my nana. She took care of me. I was seventeen when she passed away. I don’t have anywhere else to go, and so my father, as much as the situation was complicated, took care of me, but not like what fathers do. He let me live in a huge house just for me.”

“Alone?” Zayn asked.

“No. I have four maids with me in that house,” I answered and offered a smile as I try to lift up the mood in the room.

“Wait. I don’t get it,” Niall said. “Why won’t he just take you to his house? You’re his daughter. He’s your dad.”

I sighed. “Well, it’s not that easy, you know.”

“Why?”

“You see, he’s my father, but I couldn’t really call him my dad.”

“Wait- what?” Louis said.

I smiled. “I couldn’t call him my dad, but I could call him the Governor, though,” I said. The boys’ expression turned from pity to confusion.

“He and my mum had an affair,” I clarified and sighed. “I . . . I am the secret daughter that no one is supposed to know about.”

I swear I heard them all released a gasp. Before anyone could ask another question, I proceeded. “I lived in that house for a year, until I couldn’t take it anymore and just made a deal with him. I made things easier for the both of us. I demanded to live far away from them, with him and his first family. With that, no one will really know that he has a daughter to keep, because of course, it would ruin his image.

I chose Europe. I first moved into Paris, but I really had a hard time learning French, so I decided to move here in London. Good thing people here speak English, and I even find the accent fascinating. So far, it’s good.” I paused, and I found the boys eagerly listening to me. I chuckled. “So that was it. That sums up my life. You know, it’s so good to get it out of my chest. It’s the secret that no one is supposed to know, but I guess that since I’m already far away from them, it’s okay.” I paused. “You’re the only one that knows it. And Sam. Could I trust you with it?”

“Absolutely,” were the boys’ responses.

“Thank you,” I said and sighed.

There was a moment of silence, and I could feel their eyes slowly getting off my face, except for the green ones.

            Harry was still looking at me, but in a different way already. Instead of the cold gaze that he’s been giving me (which by the way I’m already getting used to) he’s looking at me differently. His gaze was soft; seems like comforting.

            “We’re sorry,” Niall said to me. “For being demanding. If we weren’t stubborn, you shouldn’t have brought that up anymore.”

            “It’s fine, Niall, truly. As a matter of fact, I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.”

            “Well, that’s great to hear,” Zayn mumbled.

            There was another moment of silence. I sighed and excuse myself to the loo.

            I entered the small door and stood by the mirror. I washed my hands then looked at my reflection. I really do feel great. The secret that has been haunting me for the past years is already out.

            I don’t know where I got the guts to tell those boys whom I didn’t even know for even a week about this matter. But then, I don’t regret anything. I do trust those boys even though they haven’t earned it.

            I dried my hands and was ready to go out when someone pushed the door and I was taken aback when it was Harry who entered.

            “Uh, Harry, this is a ladies’-”

            “You didn’t tell me that before. Why?” Harry’s voice startled me. It was demanding and at the same time soft.

            “I . . . I don’t know. Does it matter?” I said.

            “It does matter, Andy. You know it matters to me.”

            “It matters to you?”

            “Mattered,” he then corrected himself. I raised one eyebrow.

            “Oh-kay,” I said slowly. “Um, yeah. Excuse me,” I said and made my way to the door.

            “Wait, Andy,” he then said. I turned to look at him. “Is . . . is that why you left?”

            “I . . . it doesn’t matter anymore.”

            “I need to know.”

            “Why do you-”

            “I just need to,” he urged.

            I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. “I don’t want to get attached to someone.”

            “Why?”

            I was growing impatient. Why does he have so many questions?

            “I feel like I won’t be good enough. I’m not good enough for anybody, Harry. I am not good enough for you.”

            “Who are you to say that?”

            “Excuse me?”

            What does that even mean? Of course I know that. I know myself, for heaven’s sake!

            “You’re not in the position to judge yourself.”

            “What, you’re saying I’m insecure?”

            “That’s what it looks like.”

            “Well then, maybe you’re right. I am insecure. But can you blame me? How could I have so much confidence with myself when even my father doesn’t even want me?”

            “Did he say that?”

            I didn’t respond. He never said he didn’t want me, but that’s more like it, right? I don’t need his money. I want a father. But I guess I could never have that. Of course not.

            I looked at Harry. “I don’t have to answer all of your questions, do I?”

            And with that, I left the comfort room.

“Hey, Apple,” Louis called. “Need a ride home?”


	7. Chapter 7

“No way! There is no freaking way I’m gonna do that, Sam! Hell no!”

            I don’t care if people could hear out from outside his flat, but this is beyond frustrating. This is unbelievable. Utterly impossible! Today is the day before the first shooting and Sam called me to come by to his flat to say something important. He had just informed me that the lead actress was involved in a car accident the day before, and after I took pity on her, I started thinking for resolutions when Sam told me he already has one.

            That is to make _me_ the lead actress.

            I think I’m having a panic attack at the moment.

            Sam was about to say something but I stopped me. No, he cannot talk at the moment. I forbid him. I am already hyperventilating and I think it won’t last long before I pass out.

            “I cannot believe you, Samuel! I cannot believe this is happening. I cannot possibly think you would do this to me!”

            “But Andy-”

            “What the hell happened to the lead actress, anyway?”

“I already told you she was invo-”

“But have you already checked on her? Maybe it was just a minor accident. Maybe she just got small injuries,” I started rumbling.

“She’s in coma,” Sam said sadly, and I stopped. Guilt started rushing through my veins.

But that doesn’t stop me from ranting over Sam.

“But still,” I whined. “Out of all the people here, why choose me Sam?”

            A while back, Sam cannot seem to say something, but now he regained his composure. “Well first, because you’re the assistant director and whatever dilemma that’ll come, you should always be prepared. Second, I know you took drama classes and attended major acting workshops for two years straight. And lastly, it’ll be easy for you and for all of us knowing that you’re already good friends with the lads, which will bring really better effect throughout the movie.” Sam then paused. “Andy please. We have deadline here and you know it. We can’t handle any more dilemmas on finding quick replacement for the lead and we cannot afford to waste more time to let her memorize her scripts too if we do found one.”

            “I cannot believe you’re doing this to me Samuel,” I groaned. “This is beyond torture.”

            “Come on, Andy. For the movie, yeah?” he persuaded.

            I glared at him and rolled my eyes before sighing and finally gave a small nod.

            Crap. This is so so so bad.

            “Great great great!” Sam said, happiness and relief clearly plastered on his face. “I’ll just ask Anna to give the scripts and we’ll be ready to film as soon as possible. Thank you, Andy. You really are the best!”

            “I know,” I mumbled, which Sam seemed didn’t hear. After I nodded, he seemed in the rush and now he just grabbed his jacket and keys from the table.

“And besides, you really don’t have any choice. That is not actually a favour. It’s a director’s order,” he said and then winked.

I gaped at him and restrained myself from chucking my shoe at him.

“Now if you’re finished having tantrums there, come by at the studio and we’re going to have a talk with the lads.”

“I am going to kill you, Samuel.”

“Yeah, love you too. Come by at the studio!”

And then he left.


	8. Chapter 8

I loved you, Andy! And you hurt me! I would give up anything for you. You are so selfish!

I’m sorry but I’m not thinking about my sake. I was thinking about yours too. Don’t you realize? If we kept up with what we had, it’ll end up bad anyways, because it’s not about you Harry. It’s about me. Don’t you get it? I left not because I wanted to hurt you. I left because I need to.

The rain was falling harder by the time I went out of the town’s grocery store.

            Great.

            Finally.jhat I was feeling right now.

            Gloomy. Sad.

            It has been a week since I moved into this small town of Woodsville, and I could say it was going pretty great. People are less nosy, though I am not yet sure. I’ve been out of people’s business as much as possible since I came here, but knowing the customs and traditions, newbies are always the cream of the crop at the moment, and with just a hundred of people living in this very small town, I might as well be the main topic for months.

            Of course, people will eventually want to get to know the young lass who moved in all by herself. That’s the least thing I want to deal with.

            The reason I moved out from the former town I lived in was because people living there were all so friendly – and I despise it. They were all being so nice to me and I don’t like it. Maybe it’s because I wasn’t used to be inflicted with that kind of kindness, and it just makes me so sick.

            Choosing this small town seemed to be one of the most brilliant idea I thought of. People seemed to mind their own businesses, which is pretty good.

            Socially inactive much?

            Well yeah, you could say that.

            Base on my situation, being socially involve won’t really help. I’m kind of used to being kept as a secret, because that’s what my true identity is. That’s how I’m made of. A secrecy.

 

 

I let the violently shaking boy into my house and I followed him quickly. I turned on the dim lights and let him sit by the fireplace. I headed to the kitchen immediately and dropped the soaking bags of groceries to the kitchen counter. I then pick up the lighter in the drawer and put fire to the fireplace.

            I sighed, realizing I was panting because of my sudden movements. I slowly turned at the boy, who still has his wet hoodie on and head bowed down.

            I cleared my throat, pulled the other cushion and sat opposite the boy. Without his constant shivering, he could’ve already been a statue.

            I cleared my throat once more. “Uh, let’s change your clothes first, yeah?” I suggested. He didn’t show any response.

            “I . . . I’ll take your soaked jacket off first, if that’s okay?” I tried again. He didn’t move. He was just shivering and whimpering really bad. I waited for a few more seconds for a hopeful response. Finally, he slightly nodded.

            I sighed in relief because I really don’t want to force him to do things. I took that as a yes. I stood up and carefully pulled the hoodie off his head. Wet, brown curls surprised me. He then slowly looked at me, and that’s the first time the bright green eyes met my brown ones.

 

 

Getting along, Harry falling, Andy preventing from falling, Harry confessed his love for her, Andy pushed him away, many dramas, seemed getting along again, after a love making, Andy fled.

All happened in two weeks time.

 

 


End file.
